I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
