Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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