you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
