this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
