the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
