We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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