i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
