I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
