it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
