I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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