So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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