I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Couch. On fire.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
