Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
