If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize