I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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