I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I looked at my own cervix.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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