all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
