We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
