so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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