He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
