Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
