I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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