you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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