how can u be prego again
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
