Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize