i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
