you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
