just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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