The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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