mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
