rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
