Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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