i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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