You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
