no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
