I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
This is classic penis vs brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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