i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
