dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
