so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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