He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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