Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
we're so committed to being not committed
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize