just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
