Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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