Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
