dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
