Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
well you can't waste a boner
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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