just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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