i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
