Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
