he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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