I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
