when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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