"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
