She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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