that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
