I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
